Complaining: Doctor’s Orders

NPR airs a great series titled This I Believe which is a project getting people to write, share, and discuss the core values that guide their daily lives. The essays are archived and some are selected to become 3 minute orations on NPR.

This latest one struck a cord with with me especially after reading Frank’s post last Friday, Three Cranky Frankie Moments in One Day . In this post Frank complained a bit, justifiably I might add. However later in the comments he seemed apologetic about complaining. He was working on “mood improvement”.

My view is that a little complaining, even with a modest amount of wallowing in self pity, goes a long way to help get you through certain days. Sure if you go overboard it won’t help you and definitely not the ones forced to listen to you. But in moderation…

The next thing I know my amateur psychology is legitimized. By a psychotherapist no less. Professor Barbara Hand is the author of my soon to be favorite book “Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching”.  An excerpt from her essay for This I Believe follows.

“Many Americans insist that everyone have a positive attitude, even when the going gets rough… The problem is that this demand for good cheer brings with it a one-two punch for those of us who cannot cope in that way: First you feel bad about whatever’s getting you down, then you feel guilty or defective if you can’t smile and look on the bright side…

I believe that there is no one right way to cope with all of the pain of living…I know that people have different temperaments, and if we are prevented from coping in our own way, be it “positive” or “negative,” we function less well.

…sometimes a lot of what people need when faced with adversity is permission to feel crummy for a while”

This last line says it all for me. Look, if you can be perpetually happy, more power to you. For me, I am on my way to find someone who will listen to me kvetch for awhile.