The Onion Strikes Strikes a Blow For the Privileged

I have not checked out The Onion for quite awhile.  Based on this fantastic satire, Imay need to check out a few past issues. From the Onion website for 9/29/2008, here is the lead-in:

“In what local authorities are calling a “near tragedy,” Charles Wentworth, a 17-year-old Rutgers Preparatory senior and member of the affluent Wentworth family, came perilously close to suffering a consequence resulting from his own wrongdoing Saturday.”

Read the entire article here. Really, you must read it. This is the level of writing I aspire to.

Hilarious Headlines

Life is crazier than fiction. When I saw these headlines they seemed as if they would be out of The Onion instead of the Chicago Tribune. In fact, one of them is. Can you pick out the made up headline from the real ones?

Man Who Hid Knives In His Pants Trips, Stabs Himself

Twins Unwittingly Get Married In Britain

Swanson Foods Launches Hungry Man Line Of Apparel

Boy Glues Hand To Bed To Avoid School

Man Sentanced For Mailing Cow’s Head To Wife’s Lover

Click on the title you think is made up. Let me know if you are correct. If not, let me know which one you picked.

The Onion:Tears of Joy

onions.jpgOne of the great side benefits of going to Austin was reconnecting with The Onion. The print version provides the front end of a free paper that also includes local culture and entertainment listings.

I forgot how enjoyable well written, biting satire can be. The writers are outstanding. The hits are uproarious and the misses few. My fav title from the two issues I read was “Even CEO Can’t Figure Out How Radioshack Still In Business”. The article brought more tears than chopping a Vidalia ever did.

Sometimes satire can hit close to home. An article titled “Area Woman’s Day Ruined By Bangs” brought a smile to my wife even as she recognized a bit of herself in the story. Before I could rub it in she pointed out “If Someone Wanted To Publish My Blog Entries For Money, I Wouldn’t Say No”. Ouch.

Whether in print, online or in podcast, check in on The Onion from time to time. I should only become so clever– then maybe someone would pay me to do this.

 PS For those of you who want to better understand why chopping onions brings tears, this is from Wikipedia

“As onions are sliced, cells are broken, allowing enzymes called alliinases to break down sulfides and generate sulfenic acids (amino acid sulfoxides). Sulphenic acids are unstable and decompose into a volatile gas called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. The gas dissipates through the air and eventually reaches the eye, where it reacts with the water to form a dilute solution of sulfuric acid. This acid irritates the nerve endings in the eye, making them sting. Tear glands produce tears to dilute and flush out the irritant.