Can Dads Wear Baseball Caps Backward?

Silly question I know. It popped into my brain on a recent flight. At first the screaming child in the row in front of me caught my attention. Then his parents. They looked like they were in their mid to late 20s. It wasn’t that the dad wasn’t putting in any effort. He was a little. However, it seemed that only the mom could soothe the savage child.

My next image was that this Dad is a big guy; a former high school football player I decided. He wore his cap backward.

You may very reasonably ask, so what? Good question. So what? I did not immediately have an answer. I was working on instinct. Somehow it just seemed wrong. Now to figure out why.

Partly, at my age, I associate fatherhood with “older”. Older meaning responsible, perhaps. “Hat on backward” indicating the lifestyle of lighthearted, adolescent behavior. Not responsibility.

From there my mind went to thinking about how old my friends were when they started having children. I was the late one not joining the ranks of parents until age 38. My immediate assumption was that they mostly started in their 30s. Going one-by-one, there were certainly several that started having kids in their 30s. However, upon reflection several started in their late 20s. Probably not much older than Mr. Hat Backward.

None of my friends wore their caps on backward. To be fair, it was not the fashion in the 1980s. Still, whatever the comparable fashion was at the time I doubt that my friends were dressing like that. They were, however, on occasion getting more than a wee bit tipsy. Maybe they had more in common with this guy on the plane than I first imagined.

So what does this all mean? Nothing probably. Nothing earth shattering anyway. The incongruity of Mr. Hat Backward with young child was just a quick but strong image. What is the use of having a blog if you can’t put those thought out there?

Justin TV Live

First read about this a couple of weeks ago on iFlipFlop.  NPR caught up tonight. This 20 something Justin has attached a web-cam to a hat he wears and you can watch life from his point of view 24/7.  NPR said Justin TV receives 10,000 hits /day.

 Personnally I do not see the fascination but I am old school. I watched for 5 minutes tonight and was even more bored by this than American Idol.

 My question is whether this is really his life or the life he leads because he is literally on all the time. Maybe after awhile the novelty wears off for him and he acts as he would have otherwise but don’t other people play to the camera? That would make it unreality TV. Why do people watch this other than because they can? Click on the link and then come back and let me know what you think.

The Fruit Cake Lady has Died

I never adjusted to The Tonight Show once Johnny left. I had experienced Jay Leno as a stand up comedy at the Park West in Chicago. He was hilarious! He just never did much for me as a talk show host.

So I did not know that the Fruit Cake Lady existed until she existed no more. Jay discovered Marie Rudisill, 89 years young the first time she appeared on his show. She died last year at the age of 95. Based on the clips from the show she was savvy and wise in the way only someone that old can be– and can get away with. Here is a link to some videos of the Fruit Cake Lady on The Tonight Show.  Enjoy.

We should all be as much of a character as she was. I am not waiting until my 90s, I’m starting now.

People Watching on a Sunday Morning

Last Sunday I was at O’Hare to take the first leg of a week of flying. Got there early, by 7 for a 9 am flight. Several hours later when the plane was rescheduled for 11:30, I knew that it was time to find another flight. This required that I give up the luxury of the Red Carpet club and join the masses waiting by the gate.

It turned out to be a gift. Once secured on another flight but with quite awhile to wait, I began to roam around. I was not paying attention too much to anything in particular. A thirty something mom with a baby in a stroller, a guy in the ugliest white and brown striped sport coat I had ever seen, and just lots of people.

Then Jesse Jackson strolls by. He is in a long dark coat and a dark, gray hat with a wide brim. He nods to individuals making eye contact with him, sometimes murmuring “good morning”. No one was trying to shake his hand or interrupt his journey. Conversely he was not playing the politician or trying to be noticed. No body guards or handlers. Just walking down the concourse.

I may be the only one who feels something in the air when in the presence of someone famous. Though I never spoke to him, I felt as if by being near someone well known I was special by association.

I began to notice more detail of my surroundings. My next sighting was a man on crutches. Quickly followed by the observation that he had lost a leg. I felt sympathy immediately though I realized that I had no idea how this happened to him or if he was or was not a person deserving of sympathy. Next, a young African-American boy maybe 3 years old in the company of a Caucasian couple in their forties. There was a man wearing only underwear as a shirt. Two very cute, little, blonde girls sitting next to their mother each holding a teddy bear. At first I thought they might be twins but one was clearly younger than the other. The younger sister was singing to herself and entertaining the crowd around her.

There were lots of persons of all ages and sizes. Next thing I knew we were boarding. It was a very good start to a very long week.

P.S. The little singing girl sat behind me on the plane; lucky for me. Part of the ride were quite bumpy and though I am a veteran traveler, I was beginning to feel a little nervous. That is until I heard the squeals of joy from behind me every time the plane bounced around. I figured if she thought this was fun so would I.

Being an Introvert in an Extrovert World

On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is sit in your room never talk to anyone introverted and 10 is the guy from Thank You for Smoking extroverted, I am a 3 or 4. I love small groups of friends. Hate large parties where I hardly know anyone. Small talk is my kryptonite. People who are not friends think I am particularly quiet not too friendly. My friends find me funny, talkative and interesting — I think. They are also willing to let me be quiet without it having any particular connotation.

Unfortunately my job is best done by someone that is a 6 or 7. I work with senior level business executives. Sometimes one on one and other times in small groups. I also give speeches from time to time. In my line of work one needs to be “on” much of the time. I usually can gear up enough to do what I do well but when the meeting is over I am exhausted.  I suspect that one of the reasons I used to run and now bike for long periods of time by myself is that it lets me have some quiet time, some time to be reflective.

All other things being equal, I think that the world or maybe just US/European society is easier for extroverts. Making impressions quickly drives alot of what people think of you and how they react to you. We are a society that likes its stars. Very few of them come across as shrinking violets.

There is nothing inherently bad about being introverted. I have a group of good friends who know I care about them. Extreme extroverts can come across as shallow. I do feel though that so much happens in the moment that I would have missed out on less if I were more willing to get in the mix of things. Working on that part.

Maybe I will start a business. Club Introvert. CIs will become the resort destinations of choice for those that want a little more time to get to know the people around them. Activities will be geared to having people slightly push their comfort levels in getting to know new people and doing new things. There would also be areas reserved for quiet time where CIPs (Club Introvert People) can get away when they have had all they can take. No small talk allowed.

My wife is in the travel business. Maybe I can partner with her. She can sell. She’s an extrovert.

Small Things Are Small

Don’t make something a big annoyance when it is truly small. There are enough big things in the world to get angry/frustrated about. The equivalent of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. I adopted this philosophy years ago and for a long while it served me well. Lately however, everything remotely negative bothers me. I hate it.

I hit bottom on Sunday over 13 cents. Yes, 13 cents.

I went to a store to exchange 2 shirts for a different size. Exactly the same shirts. In the old days before the introduction of advanced technology to help stores track inventory, the clerk would have taken the old shirts out of the bag, put the new ones in, wished me well and sent me on my merry way. Instead the clerk had to “return’ the large shirts and I repurchased the medium ones. As I reached for the bag to take my shirts and go the guy said “thirteen cents”.  He took in the stunned expression on my face and repeated “thirteen cents”. It turned out that this branch of a big box sporting goods was in a higher sales tax town than where I had originally bought the shirts.

No amount of debating skill could dissuade my new nemesis from his chants of 13 cents/sales tax. Over and over he repeated those words. I left the store muttering and angry. Fortunately it was a 60 degree day in late November in Chicago. I did my Yoga breathing –no, not really — and went on to enjoy the day.

Small things are small.

A Special Bat Mitzvah

On Saturday night we attended the bat mitzvah of our friend’s daughter. In several ways this Jewish right of passage into adulthood was like many others but then there were layers of subtext.

At a basic level, friends and family gathered at the synagogue to listen to the bat mitzvah girl lead the service, read from the bible and give a speech about her bible portion. After the service there was a party with drinks, hors d’oeurvres, dancing and dinner. Yet in significant ways this was different than many of the others I have experienced.

First, there was THE SMILE. Michelle beamed. Her smile was so wide, so bright, so full of life and joy and it came so naturally. It lit up the room. She radiated confidence and performed gracefully. There was the cantor with the operatic voice. The rabbi with the calming, steady tone. The voice that at the same time spoke with wisdom, truthfulness and a a dash of humor. His remarks about the service added knowledge and his remarks about the family added pathos.

The back story of this family is both tragic and uplifting. Michelle and her older brother lost their mother and my friend lost his wife and soul mate about three and a half years ago after a long illness. Jean was quite a character. She was fun, quite the drinker in her youth (they met at a bar), warm, engaging driven, devoted to her family and tough as nails. Two quick Jean stories. As I was one of the last of my friends to get married and start my own family, I would often show up at events with friends alone. Jean never failed to make me feel like a part of her family. Then there was the time we were playing miniature golf with the kids who could not have been more than 3 at the time. Someone was careless and hit a ball onto our putting green which rolled past her son. Instantly Jean charges off club in hand very loudly giving the errant couple a piece of her mind and ensuring the safety of her children on that course for generations to come.

Jean and my friend complemented each other like few couples you will ever meet. He is one of the nicest, sweetest, and friendliest people in the world. In our early adult years he would have story after story about the person he struck up a conversation with on the bus, street or bar. Organized…not so much. Jean filled in places for him and he for her.

Since the day she died, he has done everything, sacrificed everything for this children and done a phenomenal job. They are both good kids, bright with good friends and just generally doing very well.

Jean’s spirit was there Saturday night. She left a legacy. Two great young people. And oh that SMILE.

51 and Counting

One of life’s little moments on a puddle jumper to beautiful Canton Ohio.

I had an aisle seat and the elderly man across from me kept talking to the woman in front of me. Being the mench that I try to be I offered my seat to the woman asking if she would prefer to sit across from her husband. I was taken aback when she firmly said NO until she informed me that she was sitting next to her grandchild who she found to be much better company than her husband.

He the regaled me with the story that they have been married for 51 years and…as he paused…he would do it allover again. If that line had been on TV or in a movie I would have gagged. He was sincere and quite happy.

P.S. Just when I thought nothing more could happen on a trip to Canton, I witnessed 20 or so people greet three soldiers in uniform returning home. It was quite the evening.

Emotions and the Rational Man

In my post college young adult years I believed in rational man. While I laughed, cried, got angry, etc. for the most part I believed that dealing thoughtfully and logically with people and events would lead to the right outcome. Disagreements could be worked out rationally. There was no useful place for strong emotions. They just got in the way. It might have been the B-school training. It might have been working in a public accounting firm. (For the record, I was not a working accountant). Of course it might just have been me — making me someone who would likely go to B school and work in a public accounting firm.

While I practiced this philosophy in my life generally, I was certain that it applied at work. Work was where you went to do the job. In my case that meant crunching a bunch of numbers, learning some “cool” regulations and coming up with clever solutions to present to clients. Just the facts, ma’am.

An article in the Wall Street Journal about emotions in the workplace reawakened memories of my journey beyond  rational man. The article discussed the need for leaders to harness emotions in business and to understand the power of the emotional messages they send. Though it was later in my career that I heard the phrase “capturing the hearts and minds of employees” I intuitively learned this lesson as I progressed into greater levels of responsibility at work and began to mature as a person.

It may be helpful to know that I consult with companies about how they pay people. Few things in life are more personal that pay. I eventually learned how important it is to connect with my clients on an emotional level in order for them to better accept my rational work. As I began to manage people I also came to recognize that my people had a need and desire to be encouraged and congratulated when they are doing a good job. When they need correction I am most effective when my approach recognizes their humanity.

I learned what to do and what not to do from the best. One of my first managers called me in to review a report I had drafted. As I worked through the doorway, my report came flying towards me followed by the words, “this is a piece of shit”. A different manager took the time to help me prepare for my part of a big client presentation, made sure that the client knew what my contributions to the project had been and bought me a congratulatory drink after the meeting. For one of these people I would walk through walls to do what needed to be done. The other got my minimal efforts. Guess which one was which.

I believe that I have also evolved beyond pure rational man in my non-work life. I suspect that my wife and son might say that I am generally at one end of the continuum or the other. Too much rational or pure emotion. People that know me casually  probably see me as quiet, relatively unemotional. My friends get to experience more of the range. But we can explore this further in another post.