Sunday morning I spent chastising, maybe even yelling at, my 18 year old son because once again he put his academics after having fun; not that he agreed. Because he is not meeting the expectations I set for him he gets much criticism and little praise.

Sunday afternoon I spent with my 42 year old autistic sister. I read books to and with her. As she sounded out about 2/3 of the words of a Dr. Seuss book I praised her constantly. I was so surprised and happy for her–she was just happy.

Maybe praise and happy are better.

About 48facets
What you read is what you get.

4 Responses to Expectations

  1. Frank says:

    Great calibration. I need to remind myself that one as well.

  2. Peach Flambe says:

    Maybe it’s not about praise and happy v. criticism and unhappy. Maybe its about aligned v. misaligned expectations….on both sides.

  3. 48facets says:

    Peach Flambe
    You have the right take on this. However, the challenge with children seems to me to do well at aligning expectations early on (preteen). Once in their late teen years it becomes difficult to overcome the history that has been established.

    D and I will at times have rational conversations regarding expectations and I think for the moment we are aligned. But too often I perceive poor follow through and expectations are not being met. We then end to argue about whether my perception is reality AND he wants to renegotiate the expectations.

  4. Pax Romano says:

    Happy is always better, and praise just ROCKS.

    Don’t worry about your son, we were all 18 once, and eventually we all come around … and your sister is damn lucky to have you.

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