It Pains Me…

…to be in pain. That’s the state I’m in and likely to be for at least a night.

Some perspective. This is not crushing levels of pain, I wasn’t in a car wreck. This won’t be chronic pain, I know it will go away at some point. We are not talking about pain associated with something life threatening.

What it is, now that the initial drugs are wearing off, is a strong, dull, ache. A strong dull ache with some blood. Hopefully the Advil will kick in soon. Hopefully it will be strong enough. Hopefully the blood flow stops before I run out of gauze or bleed on my pillow.

This story is not about this particular pain and I am not looking for sympathy. Much worse has happened to people I care about. This is about sharing my thoughts about these moments– and maybe get lost in the writing for awhile.

I perceive myself as having a reasonably high tolerance for pain that I know will go away. At yet I really hate living through the time. Haven’t you had moments like this. A bruise or cut, bad sinuses, stomach flu, hives, headache, or having a tooth pulled. Maybe over-the-counter pain meds work maybe not. You know it will end, but when?

So there you are. In pain. Needing to survive this moment and the next and the next. Just get through it. Try to distract yourself. Watch TV, listen to music, read a book, write a blog. But the pain breaks your concentration. Fatigue sets in. Sleep won’t come. The time drags on and on.

Pain has this peculiar ability to sharpen your awareness of each and every moment. Ironic isn’t it. In better moments you would pay for heightened awareness but now you would be grateful for obliviousness maybe even oblivion.  

A tug-of-war for your sanity ensues. on the one side is the knowledge that this is livable and temporary. On the other side is the damn constant pain which never lets up, never goes away. Four hours and counting.

These nights of pain always reminds me of the movie After Hours. Directed by Martin Scorsese. The movie’s tag line was “What is the very worst night you ever had…?”.

My guess is that will be tonight. Until the next time.

About 48facets
What you read is what you get.

5 Responses to It Pains Me…

  1. Frank says:

    Dang, dude. I hope by the time you read this the pain is on the wane. You’re so right about how pain brings heightened awareness. I never thought of it that way…but it’s really true.

    Get better.

  2. 48facets says:

    It is morning and I am pretty much fine. I had a wisdom tooth pulled in the afternoon. The produre once I had been fully novicaned took maybe 60-90 seconds. The only thing that still hurts is one of the places in my mouth where he jabbed a needle.

    I am not sure why but I have become acutely aware of these times where I know the pain/fever/whatever will pass but it just seems like an eternity. Just part of my twisted thinking.

  3. PeachFlambe says:

    Glad you are feeling better.

    Since I have a phobia about taking drugs, I have never let dentists give me novocain – until a few years ago. I had to have a tooth extracted – but the tooth in question had no intention of coming out. After a few minutes of pulling and twisting, I finally decided that my fear of drugs could be suspended temporarily and I gladly took the shot of novocain. After it was all over the dentist said that the procedure was so difficult that she thought she might have to stop it in the middle and send me to an oral surgeon…

    Once the tooth was out my drug-phobia returned and I didn’t want to take the painkiller she prescribed…big mistake. After the novocain wore off I again abandoned my phobia, dragged myself to the pharmacy, got the drugs…and slept for the next 12 hours.

    I am a little more open to the use of pharmaceuticals as a result of that experience.

  4. pax romano says:

    Been there, done that. Had a tone of dental work a few years back. Oh the pain! (as Dr. Smith on Lost in Space would say). For future refrence, ice packs on the face and extra strength Excedrin work wonders (and a shot of something strong can’t hurt).

    As for your movie reference, well, at least you were not on a date with a nut-case girl who committed suicide and left stranded in Alphabet City with no way to get home!

  5. 48facets says:

    PeachFlambe, I didn’t know about this phobia. That’s the problem of living in different cities. When we talk we rarely have time to get beyond the surface stuff.
    I know what you mean about drugs. I avoid them whenever I can. I learned my lesson about painkillers after surgery on a broken collarbone in my early 30’s. I was going to tough it out. Humongous mistake.

    Pax, is there no movie you don’t know? When I saw After Hours in the theatre, besides being thoroughly entertained, I definitely felt the weariness of this extremely long and bizarre night. That feeling is what I remember most.

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