Being an Introvert in an Extrovert World

On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is sit in your room never talk to anyone introverted and 10 is the guy from Thank You for Smoking extroverted, I am a 3 or 4. I love small groups of friends. Hate large parties where I hardly know anyone. Small talk is my kryptonite. People who are not friends think I am particularly quiet not too friendly. My friends find me funny, talkative and interesting — I think. They are also willing to let me be quiet without it having any particular connotation.

Unfortunately my job is best done by someone that is a 6 or 7. I work with senior level business executives. Sometimes one on one and other times in small groups. I also give speeches from time to time. In my line of work one needs to be “on” much of the time. I usually can gear up enough to do what I do well but when the meeting is over I am exhausted.  I suspect that one of the reasons I used to run and now bike for long periods of time by myself is that it lets me have some quiet time, some time to be reflective.

All other things being equal, I think that the world or maybe just US/European society is easier for extroverts. Making impressions quickly drives alot of what people think of you and how they react to you. We are a society that likes its stars. Very few of them come across as shrinking violets.

There is nothing inherently bad about being introverted. I have a group of good friends who know I care about them. Extreme extroverts can come across as shallow. I do feel though that so much happens in the moment that I would have missed out on less if I were more willing to get in the mix of things. Working on that part.

Maybe I will start a business. Club Introvert. CIs will become the resort destinations of choice for those that want a little more time to get to know the people around them. Activities will be geared to having people slightly push their comfort levels in getting to know new people and doing new things. There would also be areas reserved for quiet time where CIPs (Club Introvert People) can get away when they have had all they can take. No small talk allowed.

My wife is in the travel business. Maybe I can partner with her. She can sell. She’s an extrovert.

About 48facets
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11 Responses to Being an Introvert in an Extrovert World

  1. 48facets says:

    I can vouch for you being funny and interesting. I’d definitely say that. I do think that the best definition of introvert I ever heard has to do with what you described…extroverst get energized around people, introverts get drained. Both can be witty and entertaining and “up.” You do that.

    Club Introvert. Good stuff. I bet you’d get a lot of takers. Maybe an idea for another blog?

  2. ahhh says:

    I feel as though everyone is constantly sucking the life out of me. It is driving me crazy. Seriously, crazy. I need long periods of time by myself, like 8-9 hours at least once a week, to be on my time and not on anyone else’s clock. No one will ever understand that.

    Can’t do it.

  3. hazelnut says:

    I am an extreme introvert and have been for quite some time and as I get older it’s getting worse. I have a hard time around people at all and baracade myself in my home and am much more comfortable being alone in my home than being with anyone except for my boyfriend who is the only tangable person in my life presently. I have been living in this state, PA for 3 years now and have not made any friends and am quite afraid to try. I am also a health fanatic, love to exercise and hate smoke. I feel as if I’m permanently stuck this way. I have been unemployed for over a year also as I live in farm country and jobs are extremely hard to find plus I am poor so I can’t volunteer, I can’t afford the gas. I do feel quite lonely and fight demons all the time. My introvertism comes from many years of abuse and now I have very low self esteem and am always putting myself down and feel very worthless. Does anyone out there share any of the things that I do? I feel very alone!!

  4. priyank says:

    yes hazelnut i do feel the same my problem is i dont feel like talking to people i dont know i have this fantasy to have a girlfriend but due to my introvertism i cant talk to any of the girls though i like to watch them i have been trying to have the girlfriend from past 4 yrs but is unable each time i jus give up though i am good at study but when i see other my classmates chilling with girls i feel bad i feel like i must die this world my self esteem , my confidence all are gone also this harsh world has ensured that any introvert must not live in this world

    • priya says:

      ya priyank i feel the same way as you do most of the time…its really difficult for us intoverts in this world full of etroverts. there is so much of pressure to be like the other out-going people…no one just lets us be and accepts us the way we are.people always think that there is something wrong with introverts but its not true ..we are just innately different…we are perfectly dont worry and be happy with the unique person you are.

  5. wakeforestfan says:

    I don’t see a problem with being an introvert, seriously; I see it as fun, and who cares what others think of you! Really! I am just fine and dandy with who I am, and no one should ever tell you who or who not you should be.

  6. mscherrylane says:

    club introvert- lol i thought i came up with the idea!

    that’s disappointing you said us/europe is better suited to extroverts- i am from the opposite pole and was hoping i’d find it different in the opposite pole…i guess extroverts dominate the world over…grrr

  7. Clare says:

    I’m an introvert, but I’m a lot more open when I’m with friends who understand me, or who I’ve known for a really long time. I find I have to push myself to be extroverted to ‘survive’. When people talk to me, I can hardly ignore them, even if I want to. I think an introvert ‘website would be great, where people could find introverts in their area, and communicate with like-minded people at a common base. I know for a fact I would love to meet more people like me, online or IRL. 🙂

  8. shahida says:

    OMG! it kills me to be at social events., even in classroom! Before class starts, I could see that I’m among the very few people who are not chatting. I feels so small. Everytime the prof starts asking the class to answer a question, I panicked.
    But thank God I live with housemates who accept me for who I am and learnt to live with me. They usually don’t pressured me into talking or giving response that I really don’t want to (except one of them who is extremely extrovert).
    I like to travel and yet being introvert usually stop me from travelling with travel agency because I don’t know how to make friends in short period of time and I’m not used to travel alone. So I think the idea of Introvert Club and travel with the members are brilliant!

  9. Valeria says:

    Introverts are awesome!!! We SHOULD have a club!

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